Meditating is Hard!

I have known for a while now that I need to meditate. I needed the time, in my day, to decompress and shut off my monkey mind. I have meditated in the past and loved it but usually quit for whatever reason. When you are a busy, Type A, like myself, it's so easy to make excuses as to why you have no time to meditate. But, really I don't have 5 minutes? Actually, 5 minutes is a good starting point but 20 is really the sweet spot. This time, committed to doing it, I spoke with someone who was a former monkey mind and now avid meditator. He told me that it would be hard, boring, and that my mind wouldn't turn off....at first. Then, I would settle in and love the practice. BUT, there would be an inevitable dip in likability o

​​nce you get really good at meditating. It's kind of akin to scraping the bottom of the barrel where all of the junk lies. Once you know how to quiet your mind, and you have done so for a period of time, your inner gunk will start emerging. He told me to stick with it though. Because once you get through that, it's all smooth sailing. Keep in mind this is a matter of months to a year of meditating daily, not just within one session. I was ready to try this meditating thing again.

First, I had to ask myself, why was I meditating in the first place?

1. I wanted to quiet my mind. I am always going from one thing to another in my mind. This idea or that thing to do.

2. I am hoping it will keep my stress/anxiety level down and help me to react to things in a calmer matter. Just having kids can be stressful. A teen and a tween adds another layer. The current political/world environment, another layer. My own empathic self, another later etc. etc. You get the picture. We all more stressed now than ever and I don't want stress to control my life anymore.

3. I would like to decrease my pain levels. I don't talk about my pain a lot because it comes and goes and is not as horrible as others chronic pain. I am a person who just physically feels stress and anxiety. I have decreased it through proper nutrition, exercise, and supplements, but when it gets cold outside it rears its ugly head more than I would like it to. So, I believe that I can calm that through meditation as well.

4. By quieting my mind, I am hoping to be able to hear my intuition and inner voice better. When you are anxious its hard to tell the difference between an intuition and a wandering mind. It's hard to trust in your own thoughts at times.

I have been meditating for 3 days in a row now and....... it's awful! SO HARD! I suck at it! And it's not all "OM" legs crossed like in the picture. It's me trying to get comfortable on a chair however I can (short girl problems).

I knew it was important to make time for it so I had to literally schedule it in right in the morning. The second my mind is quiet, it starts to think. The key is to accept the thoughts and shove them aside by not paying attention to them. Sometimes by the very end of the meditation 12-14 minutes in, I will start to relax. I am hoping this becomes more the norm and I can get there faster. Because that is actually a nice feeling. I remember what my friend said, though, that it will be hard at first. Especially with someone like myself who finds it hard to calm her mind or body ever. I do like the schedule of it, I like the app I use (insight timer), and I like the feeling of accomplishment when I am done. It's the feeling of going to church on Sunday when you didn't really wanna go. That all over blessed feeling. So, maybe I'm struggling with it now but I think that's more reason to why my body needs it and why I have to stick with it.